Car Talk: So... what makes for an offensive driver?

Rob: I take offense to drivers who are completely unaware of what is going on around them on the road. This is why they interrupt traffic flow, cause accidents, and are generally a nuisance. What I stress throughout the book is to pay attention or pay the price, because I WILL give you the Evil Eye and I WILL be communicating with my digits, because I am The Offensive Driver and I'm going to get you!

Car Talk: What inspired this book — was there a "Eureka!" moment when a testosterone-poisoned kid in a Hummer drove over your hood while texting his buddies?

Rob: Actually, there truly was a moment that hit me like a hammer, or was it a Hummer? Anyway, it was the Good Samaritan, a lady who was letting in car after car from every side street she crossed. I remember thinking, "What is it with this good Samaritan crap? Let's go, lady, I've got work to do." I wasn't the only one fed up with this "kindness." Every driver behind her was laying on the horn. At 7:30 am, on a weekday, we sounded like a mile long wedding procession. When I finally arrived at the office, I recounted the story during a meeting and everyone was just howling and laughing at the way I told the story. A friend said, "Rob, you need to write a book." And two years later, I have a book.

Car Talk: What's the most bizarre thing that's ever happened to you on the roads?

Rob: Well, probably the most "bizarre" thing was when I was attacked by a goat. I started "driving" when I was about 14, racing cars and trucks up and down the dirt roads on my grandparents' farm when they weren't home. One day, while driving the old Ford pickup, I came across this young billy goat just standing in the middle of the dirt road. I never saw it before, and didn't know where it came from. I figured it was from another nearby farm and had just wandered off. I got out of the truck and slowly walked up to it and I guess it was tame because I was able to pet it. It was actually very friendly, so I thought I would take the animal back up to the farm. I picked the goat up and put it in the cab of the pickup and started back up the road. All of a sudden, the goat started ramming the dashboard, the passenger door, and then ME! I mean this damn goat was MAD! I guess being in the truck scared it. Who cares, I thought it was going to kill me. I finally got the truck pulled over and jumped out, followed immediately by the goat and I never saw it again, which was okay by me.

Car Talk: Between you and us, where are the worst drivers located?

Rob: Baltimore, Maryland, and Maryland as a "hole," which I'll explain in a moment. Now, this was some time ago, more than thirty years, so hopefully the driving has improved. But at the time, I hated driving in Maryland so much I used to think that if God were to give the country an enema, he'd stick the hose in Maryland. Naturally, I don't think that way anymore... naturally.

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